No we are not beating our kids

If you have noticed our kids lately, they are all sporting bruises. Big noticable bruises. First Maegan ends up with a big one on her arm- the story keeps changing on whether it was Porter or Zach that got her, but got her they did. The thing is about the size of a fifty cent piece and it is not going away. Next, Zach fell out of bed the other night. He didn't even seem to cry but when he awoke the next day his left eye was big and black and blue. It really is the best shiner he has ever given himself. Last, Porter was playing at the neighbors and on the way home he ran his bike into a parked SUV. Face planted right up against the side of the vehicle. Maegan came screaming into the house- "Porter wrecked his bike and is bleeding all over the place". Nothing like a calm announcement like that to really get your blood pumping. His two front teeth were knocked loose and a bottom tooth went all the way through his lower lip.
I think I am going to have to lock them all up for their own safety - Oh wait a minute, that is just another form of child abuse isn't it. Well, I will have to think of something else- maybe bubble wrap.